What to Do If Youre a Woman Who Struggles to Orgasm. A few months ago, I wrote an article for men who struggle with orgasm. Today, Im back to share my advice for women. If youre ready to have your first orgasm, or learn how to orgasm with a partner, heres your game plan. A quick note I typically dont like being so binary about gender, but orgasmic challenges for female bodied folks tend to be different than they are for male bodied people. First, See Your Doctor. Female orgasmic challenges can be rooted in medical issues. Just as I wrote in the article for men, its a good idea to book an appointment with your doctor to talk about potential medical factors. Some of the most frequent causes of orgasmic blockages include Prescription drugs. Anti depressants and anti anxiety medications are the most frequent culprits, but anti psychotics, high blood pressure medications, beta blockers, and pain relievers can all make it harder to orgasm. Depression yes, both depression and anti depressants can make it harder for you to orgasmAnxiety dittoHormonal imbalances. Thyroid disorders. Pituitary conditions. Issues with your nervous system. Its also helpful to take it easy with your partying. Drugs and alcohol makes it much harder for women and men to orgasm. Alcohol in particular tends to be problematic. You may feel tempted to have a few drinks to calm your nerves before sex especially with new partners, but alcohol makes it surprisingly difficult to feel anything, much less orgasm. Fantasies come in many different intensities. Collection Adobe Photoshop Portable 2013 Honda' title='Collection Adobe Photoshop Portable 2013 Honda' />In January 2013, Yus coconspirators allegedly used a variant of the malware Sakula in an attack on a second company based in Massachusetts. Collection Adobe Photoshop Portable 2013 Honda' title='Collection Adobe Photoshop Portable 2013 Honda' />Some are so compelling that youve just got to act on Read more Read. Masturbate. If you want to have your first orgasm, masturbation is the absolute best way to learn what your body needs to get there. Side note Men tend to have orgasmic problems because of masturbating too much or only in one specific way. Women tend to have orgasmic problems because they dont masturbate. Check out my article on learning to love masturbation for more advice on technique. In general, direct or indirect clitoral stimulation tends to work best for most women. In that article I link to above, I list five specific strokes you can try on your clitoris Diagonal across your clitoris. In a circle around your clitoris. Up and down across or along the side of your clitoris. Side to side across or along the side of your clitoris. In a figure eight around or across your clitoris. You may also want to try circling your clitoris and the surrounding areas with your finger. Try to get a sense of the most pleasurable zone on your body. If you can orgasm on your own, but struggle to get there with a partner, pay more attention to how you masturbate. Whats the specific technique you useWhat does your body respond to What does it not respond to This is all valuable information, and Ill describe what to do with it later. Try a Vibrator. If youve never had an orgasm, I recommend trying out a vibrator. Vibrators can deliver a level of sensation and intensity that you will never be able to replicate with your hands, so they can make it easier to have an orgasm. Theres a lot of vibrator fear mongering out there, mostly from idiots who are threatened by female Read more Read. To be clear, vibrators do not work for everyone. I fully expect to see more than a few vibrator haters in the commentsDownload the free trial version below to get started. Doubleclick the downloaded file to install the software. Some people just dont like the sensation. I Thats perfectly OK. But they do have good enough success rates to make them a worthwhile experiment. Theres a reason sex toys are a 1. Adjust Your Expectations. Ill be honest when youre learning how to orgasm, masturbation can sometimes feel kind of boring. Youre figuring out what your body likes, which means youre going to spend a good amount of time doing things your body doesnt particularly like. If youre expecting it to be a non stop pleasure party, youre going to be disappointed. But if you lower the bar and try to find techniques that feels pretty good rather than mind blowing, youll be well on your way to having an orgasm. You can also try to make the entire experience of masturbation feel more fun by reading erotica, watching porn, fantasizing, putting on some lingerie that makes you feel hot, or cheering yourself on for prioritizing sexy self care. Most of us tend to be pretty lazy with our masturbation habits, even when weve learned how to orgasm, so its important to remember that we have the capacity to make it a much more enjoyable experience Im willing to bet that nine out of ten people who read this headline will think, A dude who hasRead more Read. Adjusting your expectations is also important when it comes to orgasm itself. I have an online course that teaches women how to masturbate, and one of the top three questions I get asked from the participants in the course is, did I have an orgasm A woman will describe her experience, and I can tell even through a computer screen that she absolutely did have an orgasm. The problem is that she was expecting the experience to be different, so she doubted or even wrote off entirely her orgasm. When you are first learning how to orgasm, your orgasms arent going to be that intense. Women expect fireworks and earthquakes the first time, so they overlook the more subtle reactions in their bodies. For now, imagine that your orgasm will feel just slightly more pleasurable than what youve felt through masturbation thus far. Youll learn how to make them stronger later. Examine Your Blockages. With the vast majority of the women Ive worked with, not being able to orgasm boiled down to never having given masturbation a fair shot. If you put time and effort into developing a solid masturbation routine, you will learn how to orgasm. Still, you may want to spend some time thinking about the specific fears or blockages that may be coming up for you. Do you feel guilty or ashamed about touching your body Do you have a hard time letting a partner focus on you Are you overly perfectionistic in every area of your life, including your orgasm Try to identify the specific blockages that are coming up for you. Is there a place in relationships for masturbation The easy answer is yes Its your body, youRead more Read. I like to walk my clients through a process I call the polite brushoff. You know when youre at a party, and you see someone you really dont want to see Yes you could turn around and run right out of the party, or you could give them a polite hello or a little wave, then you quickly turn your attention somewhere else so they dont approach you. You acknowledge them, but you dont pay any additional attention to them. You can do the same with your negative beliefs about masturbation and orgasm. Acknowledge the belief to yourself, then try to turn your attention to something more positive, like one of your goals for learning how to orgasm. Teach Your Partner What You Like. If you can orgasm on your own, but struggle to get there with your partner, its probably due to one of two reasons You havent shown your partner what you like. You wont allow your partner to focus on you. Disney World Vacation Packages. Above, I recommended paying more attention to what you do when you masturbate. This is valuable information that needs to be shared with your partners. Tell or show them what you like, then allow yourself to receive that time and attention from your partner. Masturbation isnt only enjoyable by yourself although lets be honest, its fun alone, too. YouRead more Read. Remember Its OK to have needs So many of us feel like were not supposed to need any sort of attention or stimulation from our partners. But why even bother having sex in the first place if youre not going to allow yourself to have sex that feels good to your bodyIn your quest to learn how to orgasm, dont forget that orgasms arent everything. Theyre not the only way your body experiences pleasure, and theyre not the only reason to be intimate with yourself or a partner.